Whether in relationships,
business dealings, or everyday life, people lie to you all the time. And you
probably lie to them, too! People lie for many reasons, including to gain
someone’s respect, to avoid the consequences of our mistakes, to manipulate people
into doing things that benefit us, to protect others, and sometimes even to be
polite. Virtually everyone tells the occasional white lie, such as nodding when
the boss asks if her horrific new haircut looks good or making up an excuse to
get out of an unpleasant task – One University of Massachusetts study found
that the average person lied two to three times in the course of a ten-minute
conversation. But while white lies are commonplace and not considered to be
particularly heinous, if an entire relationship is built on deceit, or if
someone is taking credit for your achievements at work, you need to know.
Fortunately, most liars give out conversational clues of deception that the
average person can detect if they know what to look for. If you suspect someone
is lying to you, look for the following major tip-offs.
1. Telltale body language
For most people, lying is
difficult and unpleasant, and it is not possible to hide all of the physical
giveaways. Body language experts have identified many involuntary responses and
subconscious behaviors and that indicate deception. Although polygraph machines
are able to detect very subtle physical signs, like sweating, muscle clenching,
and elevated blood pressure, these changes can be hard to perceive with the
naked eye. However, there are some telltale gestures common to liars that you
might be able to pick up on just by observing someone. These include fidgeting
or shuffling the feet to relieve tension; repeatedly reaching for a beverage or
cigarette to combat dry mouth and/or nerves; and touching the face repeatedly.
Face touching indicative of lying can include covering the eyes or mouth and/or
rubbing the nose – according to body language expert Carol Kinsey Goman, the
rush of adrenaline brought about by lying opens the capillaries in the nose,
making it itch.
2. Unusual eye contact
Humans are notoriously bad at
making eye contact while lying, so failure to make eye contact can be a major
“tell” that someone is lying to you. However, the notion that liars avoid eye
contact is so widely known that many people are careful to maintain eye contact
with the person they’re lying to. Therefore, you should take note if someone
makes too much eye contact when telling you something suspect, holding your
gaze for an uncomfortably long time, as this can also be a sign of lying.
According to Goman, liars also do the “quick check glance,” immediately looking
down during or after the lie, and then looking back at you to see if you bought
it.
Something else you might see in
the eyes of a liar is dilated pupils, an involuntary giveaway that can be
attributed to the increased concentration and tension involved with deceptive
behavior. An abnormal blinking rate is another one – liars typically blink more
slowly when lying and blink abnormally fast after telling the lie, says Goman.
3. Inconsistent facial
expressions
As is the case with body language
and eye contact, even when a lie is coming out of someone’s mouth, their body
usually has a way of telling the truth. Nowhere is it harder to hide the truth
than in one’s face. One major facial giveaway is the fake smile. The person is
angry or upset that you caught them in a lie, but they try to smile to hide
this fact and assure you that everything is OK. So how can you tell if a smile
is real or fake? Again, it’s in the eyes. Genuine and forced smiles actually
use two different facial muscles. The real, involuntary smile involves the
orbicularis oculi muscle, which raises the cheeks and makes the eyes crinkle,
whereas a fake smile only contracts the zygomatic major muscle, which simply
raises the corners of the mouth and does not affect the eyes.
Microexpressions can be another
sign that someone is trying to sell you a falsehood. Throughout a conversation,
we make many involuntary microexpressions – brief expressions of anger, fear,
happiness, sadness, disgust, surprise, and contempt. These expressions can be
hard to catch, sometimes lasting only 1/25th of a second. When trying to
determine whether someone is lying, look out for fleeting expressions that
contradict verbal statements, such as the person furrowing their brows while
telling you they’re happy.
4. Verbal cues
Now that we’re past the physical
signs of lying, let’s move on to the verbal cues. While related to speech,
verbal cues don’t necessarily have much to do with the content of what someone
is saying, but rather, they are related to the tone of speech and language
constructions. Like physical cues, verbal cues are often involuntary. One
example is a rise in vocal pitch. This is a sign of stress, and experts note
that this phenomenon is more likely to occur when someone is lying than when
they are telling the truth. The use of phrases like “to be honest” or “to tell
you the truth,” is also common among deceptive people who are trying (a little
too hard) to convince you of their honesty.
The cadence, or rhythm, of someone’s
speech is something else to listen for when gauging someone’s truthfulness. Do
they give short, one-word answers? Do they take long pauses to collect their
thoughts before answering questions, or try to buy time by repeating the
question? These are all signs that the person may be lying to you.
5. Bad attitude
When confronting someone about a
suspected lie, or even when asking an innocent question, the person being
questioned will often display a defensive or even hostile attitude. They may
even lash out at you, accusing you of lying or some other wrongdoing. A person
who is trying to deceive you may avoid directly answering the question you
asked and try to steer the conversation in a different direction, perhaps to
the shortcomings of the accuser. For instance, they may retort with something
like, “Why do you question everything I do? You need to work on your trust
issues.” Besides being uncooperative in answering your question, when lying,
people tend to act unpleasant and negative in general. According to
psychologists Bella M. DePaulo and Wendy L. Morris, authors of The Detection of
Deception in Forensic Contexts, liars are prone to make more complaints and
negative statements compared with truth-tellers, and they often have an
unfriendly, unpleasant attitude.
6. Tall Tales
Many times, the reason we might
suspect someone of lying is not because of any physical or verbal behaviors
they are displaying, but because of the content of their story itself.
Sometimes, someone’s story just doesn’t add up. Perhaps it contradicts what
another reliable person has told you, or – as is often the case – the suspected
liar contradicts himself. In other cases, the person’s story might just be
completely implausible. Alternatively, to avoid contradicting herself or having
to come up with an elaborate lie that may lack plausibility, the liar will
often tell a very vague story that is devoid of key details. Whether the story
is short and vague or elaborate and contradictory, the best way to determine if
it is fact or fiction is to ask questions and push for details. If, in
response, the person displays any of the above-mentioned behaviors that
indicate deception – takes long pauses when answering questions, becomes
irritated or defensive – then there is a good chance that their story is an
invention, and nothing more.
7. History
When a judge is sentencing
someone for a crime and trying to determine if the person is genuine when they
say they will clean up their act and stop committing crimes, one of the main
things she takes into consideration is the criminal history of the accused. So,
too, should you consider the history of someone who you suspect is lying to
you. If they have lied to you before, there is a very strong chance that they
are lying to you again. In other words, you want to consider the person’s
character. It can be difficult to objectively evaluate someone’s character if
you are close to the person and are deeply invested in the relationship, but
discussing the matter with an outside party, preferably one who knows the
suspected liar, can help provide an unbiased view of the person’s history when
it comes to being deceptive.
8. Instincts
Sociopaths and skilled liars who
lie frequently are good at not giving themselves away with body language, and
they may be able tell a story so good that even a trained investigator wouldn’t
be able to find a hole in it. People taking certain drugs and individuals who
actually believe the fabrication they are telling may also be able to lie
without displaying any signs of it. Nevertheless, you might just sense that
something is off. Maybe your friend is just “not herself,” or you have an
uncanny feeling that you need to protect yourself from a certain person, even
if they are outwardly charming and genuine. Listen to your gut, because it is
probably telling you something important.
Unfortunately, we often ignore
our instincts that tell us someone is lying and choose to believe the liar,
ignoring any troublesome inconsistencies or bad gut feelings. Psychologists say
that the main reason people get away with telling lies is not because they are
particularly skillful at lying, but because other people want to believe them.
So, perhaps the best way you can get better at detecting the lies of others is
by not lying to yourself. |
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