据说,日本人最善于从别人的角度考虑问题,因而也最在意别人对自己怎样看。我在日本生活时,有位朋友,下了班还没回家,在我们这里耗着,聊天,我问他为什么,他说回去早了怕邻居笑话,因为那说明他在公司没事干了,或者不够卖力气。
日本社会自古以来,便有“惜名”和“知耻”的行为规范,是用以维系主从关系的“体面”或“脸面”。在受了侮辱或被冤枉,或被喜欢的女人抛弃后,就会觉得“没面子”,便要不惜一切去“争面子”。
这种“名”和“耻”的意识,构成了日本人思维方式的一大特色。较之个人的自觉意识,日本人更重视现实周围的人伦关系,由此又形成了他们对于“名”和“耻”的格外敏感性。
如果说,西方的基督教文化是一种“罪感文化”,那么日本的集体主义文化便是一种“耻感文化”。罪感的基础,建立在人的内在道德标准上;耻感的制约,则来自外部的强大压力。然而,一旦没有了这种压力(如外出旅行等),他们的表现又会判若两人。
罪责可以通过忏悔来赎过,而耻辱只会一层层更加蒙羞,即日语所说的“耻の上涂り”坦白了便更加耻辱。因而,在日本常常见到这样一种现象,就是日本人没有过错时(如并没有踩到你的脚)会口口声声地道歉,而一旦犯了错误,反而不道歉了。
日本人的害羞也是有名的,如女人的厕所间通常有似水的音乐伴随,以避免让人听到后尴尬(因在同一厕所间的外边通常是男人的小便池)。然而,让人吊诡的是,日本人可以一家人男女老少三代人一起洗澡,这在中国人(或其他国家的人)看来很是难为情,但日本人却对此不但毫无耻感,反而觉得非常亲近,“赤城相见”。
当然,将世界上的文化划分为“耻感文化”和“罪感文化”未免过于简单化了:两种文化的存在并不是绝对而孤立的,不过是以哪一种为主罢了。
The
Japanese Shame Culture Lin Wei
It is said that the Japanese are
good at putting themselves in others’ shoes, caring very much about how other
people view them. When I was in Japan, a friend of mine came to us after work,
chatting and dawdling away his time. When asked why he was reluctant to go home
earlier, he said he didn’t want rumoring by his neighbors that he was an early
home-comer or a lazy worker.
Since ancient times, “name” and “shame”
have been stable rules of behavior in Japanese society, regulating
principal-subordinate relations in terms of maintaining “face”. After losing
face from humiliation, mistreatment or being dumped by a lover, one should
fight to regain it at all costs.
The super-sensibility of “name”
and “shame” characterizes Japanese thinking, with Japanese culture paying far
more attention to peripheral human relations than self-consciousness. In this
sense, it is a sensitive culture.
Christian culture in the West is
deemed to be a guilt culture based on a person’s internal moral standard; while
collectivist culture in Japan is a shame culture which relies on external
sanction. Once the pressure of this sanction is gone, such as during a journey,
a Japanese may behave like a totally different person.
While guilt may be redeemed by
repentance, shame can only be increased by admission, as a Japanese saying
goes, “haji no uwanuri” (confession increases shame). It is therefore not
surprising to see a phenomenon in Japan where a Japanese may constantly
apologize to you when nothing happens (such as he didn’t step on your toe), but
once he did make a mistake, he might just quietly turn away due to shame.
Japanese are usually considered
to be highly sensitive to shame, such as in ladies toilets where a piece of
river-flowing music is gently played to avoid embarrassment since male’s
urinals are normally nearby in the same toilet. However, in contrast, Japanese
family members of three generations, including males and females, can bath
together. The practice that the Japanese take for granted as an intimate family
routine may embarrass Chinese and other nations’ families.
However, dividing cultures of the
world into a dichotomy of “shame culture” and “guilt culture” is a bit
over-simplified. In fact, the two cultures overlap, but each has its dominant
feature.
(林巍 译)
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