Gifts of one who loved
me,— ’Twas high time they
came; When he ceased to love
me, Time they stopped for
shame. It is said that the
world is in a state of bankruptcy, that the world owes the world more than the
world can pay, and ought to go into chancery, and be sold. I do not think this
general insolvency, which involves in some sort all the population, to be the reason
of the difficulty experienced at Christmas and New Year, and other times, in
bestowing gifts; since it is always so pleasant to be generous, though very
vexatious to pay debts. But the impediment lies in the choosing. If, at any
time, it comes into my head, that a present is due from me to somebody, I am
puzzled what to give, until the opportunity is gone. Flowers and fruits are
always fit presents; flowers, because they are a proud assertion that a ray of
beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world. These gay natures contrast
with the somewhat stern countenance of ordinary nature: they are like music
heard out of a work-house. Nature does not cocker us; we are children, not
pets. She is not fond; everything is dealt to us without fear or favor, after
severe universal laws. Yet these delicate flowers look like the frolic and
interference of love and beauty. Men use to tell us that we love flattery, even
though we are not deceived by it, because it shows that we are of importance
enough to be courted. Something like that pleasure, the flowers give us: what
am I to whom these sweet hints are addressed? Fruits are acceptable gifts,
because they are the flower of commodities, and admit of fantastic values being
attached to them. If a man should send to me to come a hundred miles to visit
him, and should set before me a basket of fine summer-fruit, I should think
there was some proportion between the labor and the reward. For common gifts,
necessity makes pertinences and beauty every day, and one is glad when an
imperative leaves him no option, since if the man at the door have no shoes,
you have not to consider whether you could procure him a paint-box. And as it
is always pleasing to see a man eat bread, or drink water, in the house or out
of doors, so it is always a great satisfaction to supply these first wants.
Necessity does everything well. … Next to things of necessity, the rule for a
gift, which one of my friends prescribed, is, that we might convey to some
person that which properly belonged to his character, and was easily associated
with him in thought. But our tokens of compliment and love are for the most
part barbarous. Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts.
The only gift is a portion of thyself. Thou must bleed for me. Therefore the
poet brings his poem; the shepherd, his lamb; the farmer, corn; the miner, a
gem; the sailor, coral and shells; the painter, his picture; the girl, a handkerchief
of her own sewing. This is right and pleasing, for it restores society in so
far to its primary basis, when a man’s biography is conveyed in his gift, and
every man’s wealth is an index of his merit. But it is a cold, lifeless
business when you go to the shops to buy me something, which does not represent
your life and talent, but a goldsmith’s. … He is a good man who
can receive a gift well. We are either glad or sorry at a gift, and both
emotions are unbecoming. Some violence, I think, is done, some degradation
borne, when I rejoice or grieve at a gift. I am sorry when my independence is
invaded or when a gift comes from such as do not know my spirit, and so the act
is not supported; and if the gift pleases me overmuch, then I should be ashamed
that the donor should read my heart, and see that I love his commodity and not
him. The gift, to be true, must be the flowing of the giver unto me,
correspondent to my flowing unto him. When the waters are at level, then my
goods pass to him, and his to me. All his are mine, all mine his. I say to him,
How can you give me this pot of oil, or this flagon of wine, when all your oil
and wine is mine, which belief of mine this gift seems to deny? Hence the
fitness of beautiful, not useful things for gifts. This giving is flat usurpation,
and therefore when the beneficiary is ungrateful, as all beneficiaries hate all
Timons, not at all considering the value of the gift, but looking back to the
greater store it was taken from, I rather sympathize with the beneficiary, than
with the anger of my lord Timon. For, the expectation of gratitude is mean, and
is continually punished by the total insensibility of the obliged person. It is
a great happiness to get off without injury and heart-burning, from one who has
had the ill luck to be served by you. It is a very onerous business, this of
being served, and the debtor naturally wishes to give you a slap. A golden text
for these gentlemen is that which I so admire in the Buddhist, who never
thanks, and who says, “Do not flatter your benefactors.” … I fear to breathe any treason against the majesty of love, which is the genius and god of gifts, and to whom we must not affect to prescribe. Let him give kingdoms or flower-leaves indifferently. There are persons, from whom we always expect fairy tokens; let us not cease to expect them. This is prerogative, and not to be limited by our municipal rules. For the rest, I like to see that we cannot be bought and sold. The best of hospitality and of generosity is also not in the will but in fate. I find that I am not much to you; you do not need me; you do not feel me; then am I thrust out of doors, though you proffer me house and lands. No services are of any value, but only likeness. When I have attempted to join myself to others by services, it proved an intellectual trick,—no more. They eat your service like apples, and leave you out. But love them, and they feel you, and delight in you all the time. |
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