David Robert - The Blonde Undertaker 汉译

A man named Higgins who just died is delivered to a local funeral home wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The blonde funeral director asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the blonde undertaker a blank check and says, “I don’t care what it costs, but, please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.”

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe—the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the funeral director, “Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?”

To her astonishment, the blonde undertaker presents her with the blank check. “There’s no charge,” she says.

“No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!” says the widow.

“Honestly, ma’am,” the blonde says, “It cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.”

“So I just switched the heads.”

省钱的绝招

一名叫希金斯的男子不幸身亡，被送进了当地一家殡仪馆。他身上穿的是一套非常昂贵的专门定制的黑西服。

金发碧眼的殡仪馆女馆长询问希金斯的妻子，她想要死者怎么个穿着。女馆长认为，希金斯先生现在穿的这身黑西服看上去就相当不错，可是新寡的希金斯太太提出，她一直认为丈夫最好还是穿上蓝色西服。所以，希金斯太太希望让他穿上一套蓝色的西服。

说着，她掏出了一张空白支票，对这位金发碧眼的女馆长说道：“请你们在我丈夫的遗体告别仪式上让他穿着一套蓝西服。花多少钱我并不在乎。”

第二天，希金斯太太回到了殡仪馆为丈夫守灵。让她高兴的是，丈夫眼下已经穿上了一套带有浅白色细条纹、看起来十分华丽的蓝西服，这套西服穿在他的身上显得非常合身。

“不管你花了多少钱，我都会非常满意的。你这事办得非常出色，我非常感激。你花了多少钱？”希金斯太太问。

让她感到惊讶的是，这位女馆长把那张空白支票又还给了她。“不用花费一分钱。”她答道。

“不，你们置办了这套精致的蓝西服，我一定得付钱的！”希金斯太太说道。

“希金斯太太，实话跟你说吧，”女馆长说道：“这根本就没有花钱。瞧，你昨天刚走不久，另一位不幸去世的先生就被送到了这里。他和你丈夫的身材相差无几，而他身上就穿着一套十分抢眼的蓝西服。我问过他的妻子，是否愿意让她的丈夫穿着黑色的西服走入天堂。她说，她并不在意，只要让她的丈夫穿在身上显得精神就行了。”

“于是，我便将他们的脑袋交换了一下。”