Richard Steele - My First Grief 汉译

The first Sense of Sorrow I ever knew was upon the Death of my Father, at which Time I was not quite Five Years of Age; but was rather amazed at what all the House meant, than possessed with a real Understanding why no Body was willing to play with me. I remember I went into the Room where his Body lay, and my Mother sat seeping alone by it. I had my battledore in my hand, and fell a beating the Coffin, and calling Papa; for, I know not how, I had some slight idea that he was locked up there. My Mother catched me in her Arms, and, transported beyond all Patience of the silent Grief she was before in, she almost smothered me in her Embraces; and told me in a Flood of Tears, Papa could not hear me, and would play with me no more, for they were going to put him under Ground, where he could never come to us again. She was a very beautiful Woman, of a noble Spirit, and there was a Dignity in her Transport; which, methought, struck me with an Instinct of Sorrow, that, before I was sensible of what it was to grieve, seized my very Soul, and has made Pity the Weakness of my Heart ever since. The Mind in Infancy is, methinks, like the Body in Embryo; and receives Impressions so forcible, that they are as hard to be removed by Reason, as any Mark, with which a Child is born, is to be taken away by any future Application. Hence it is, that Good nature in me is no Merit; but having been so frequently overwhelmed with her Tears before I knew the Cause of any Affliction, or could draw Defences from my own Judgment, I imbibed Commiseration, Remorse, and an unmanly Gentleness of Mind, which has since insnared me into Ten Thousand Calamities; and from whence I can reap no Advantage, except it be, that, in such a Humor as I am now in, I can the better indulge myself in the Softness of Humanity, and enjoy that sweet Anxiety which arises from the memory of past Afflictions.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

初识悲哀

查理德·斯蒂尔

我初次懂得什么是悲痛是在我父亲死的时候，那时我还不到五岁；然而，与其说我因为明白了别人为什么不愿意跟我玩耍而情绪受到影响，还不如说家里的状况让我感到惊诧。我记得进到屋里时，他正在那里躺着，母亲一个人坐在他旁边哭泣。我手里拿着板羽球球板，扑上去就拍打棺材，一边喊着“爸爸，爸爸”。因为，不知怎的，我隐约有一种感觉，似乎他是被谁锁在里面的。母亲一把将我抱住，因为激动，没有了先前默默忍受悲哀时的耐心，她紧紧抱着我，几乎让我喘不上气来；她留着眼泪对我说，爸爸再也听不到我说话了，再也不能和我玩耍了，因为他们就要把他埋入地下，他再也不能来到我们身边了。她是一个非常漂亮的女人，气质高贵，虽然非常激动，但悲哀中透露出尊严；我觉得，这尊严突然让我产生了悲痛的本能，在我意识到什么是悲哀之前，这本能就控制了我的心灵，并且从那以后，使得怜悯之心成了我情感世界的弱点。我觉得，幼年时期的心理如同处于胚胎阶段的身体。我觉得，幼年时期的心理如同处于胚胎阶段的身体；那时所生成的印象非常牢固，很难以理智将其消除，如同初生婴儿身上的胎记，长大以后无论怎么弄也是弄不掉的。由此看来，我的好脾气算不上什么优点；在不知道是什么使她痛苦的情况下，或者说在未形成自己的判断力而筑起防线之前，我常常被她的眼泪所征服，于是我便滋生了同情，懊悔和缺乏男子汉气概的温柔的情愫，此后便让我陷入千万次的灾难之中；而且由于这个弱点，我就没有得过好，只是，以我现在的性情，我能更好地沉湎于人的温柔之中，并且更好地享受因过去痛苦的记忆而产生的富有甜意的焦虑。