Loving with an Open Hand
The other day as I talked with a friend I recalled a story that I heard this summer. “A compassionate person, seeing a butterfly struggling to free itself from its cocoon, and wanting to help, very gently loosened the filaments to form an opening.
The butterfly was freed, emerged from the cocoon, and fluttered about but could not fly. What the compassionate person did not know was that only through the birth struggle can the wings grow strong enough for flight. Its shortened life was spent on the ground; it never knew freedom, never really lived.”
I call it learning to love with an open hand. It is a learning which has come slowly to me and has been wrought in the fires of pain and in the waters of patience. I am learning that I must free the one I love, for if I clutch or cling, try to control, I lose what I try to hold.
If I try to change someone I love because I feel I know how that person should be, I rob him or her of a precious right, the right to take responsibility for one’s own life and choices and way of being. Whenever I impose my wish or want or try to exert power over another, I rob him or her of the full realization of growth and maturation. I limit and prevent by my act of possession, no matter how kind my intention.
I can limit and injure by the kindest acts of protection or concern. Over extended it can say to the other person more eloquently than words, “You are unable to care for yourself; I must take care of you because you are mine. I am responsible for you.”
As I learn and practice more and more, I can say to the one I love: “I love you, I value you, I respect you and I trust that you have the strength to become all that it is possible for you to become – if I don’t get in your way. I love you so much that I can set you free to walk beside me in joy and in sadness.
I will share your tears but I will not ask you not to cry. I will respond to your needs. I will care and comfort you, but I will not hold you up when you can walk alone. I will stand ready to be with you in your grief and loneliness but I will not take it away from you. I will strive to listen to your meaning as well as your word, but I shall not always agree.
Sometimes I will be angry and when I am, I will try to tell you openly so that I need not hate our differences or feel estranged. I can not always be with you or hear what you say for there are times when I must listen to myself and care for myself, and when that happens I will be as honest with you as I can be.”
I am learning to say this, whether it be in words or in my way of being with others and myself, to those I love and for whom I care. And this I call loving with an open hand.
I cannot always keep my hands off the cocoon, but I am getting better at it!
Wuxi, as the birthplace “southern Jiangsu model” in economic development, is the most influential city in Economic Zone along Yangtze River Delta, whose vitality and growing momentum has drawn much attention. Pioneered in the development of sci-tech, Wuxi municipal government stands high and sees afar, assessing the situation and unswervingly implementing the strategy for sci-tech, education and brains to revitalize Wuxi city, and vigorously to implements the sci-tech innovation-driven projects, entrepreneurial talents and the conversion of sci-tech into productivity. Meanwhile, Wuxi municipal government schedules the construction of human resources as the cornerstone of strengthening the competitiveness of the city, as the priority of city transformation. It is clear that Wuxi has attached great importance to the work on sci-tech and talents, which will yield a sample significance across the country. As we all know, speeding up economic restructuring and developing innovation-based economy are both on the talent. It is the key to establish the brains highland in constructing the highland of industry and of innovation. Wuxi city has extended the greatest sincerity and the best resources for the introduction and recruitment of much-needed high-level overseas talents in the development of industry and scientific research fields. In the meantime, Wuxi city government vigorously promotes the implementation of the “530 Plan”, “Post 530 Plan”, “Pan 530 Plan and “Thousands of Brains Plan”, and made efforts to offer various types services for entrepreneurial talents so to lead the a new-round restructuring development, forming the innovative mechanism and working system in the introduction of overseas talent, all of which have had a broad impact at home and abroad and has a strong impetus to more types of technological innovation and entrepreneurship, more gathering of innovative resources in Wuxi. We are pleased to see in the “hot pot” of Wuxi City, on the basis of knowledge and talent, the main driving force of innovation, high-tech and service economy as the focal point of innovative economic development model has deeply rooted in people’s mind. “Building nests for wisdom” has promoted the take-off and rise of Wuxi City. This year, Wuxi City will promote the implementation of the following five Action Plans for Taking the Lead in Realizing Modernization and Industrial Upgrading, Urban Development, Social Construction, Cultural Revitalization and Ecological Civilization, having formed the systematic views on being the vanguard in realizing modernization in the period of Twelfth National Five Plan. Centered on “building eco-city, tourism service city, high-tech city, livable city”, Wuxi endeavors to set in a new path of modern development featured with Wuxi characteristics in the sound pace, in accordance with times’ requirement and the objective law, as well as in line with the wishes of the people. Wuxi bears the times’ glory; meanwhile it will be bound to have a long way to go with a high-profile concern.